Fuck, Not the 2005 Ravens Again

I've been reflecting on the last few years a lot recently, preparing for graduation, I guess. Anyway I remembered a moment from JV football that really sums up many of the things I do. It was 3rd and 7, and I got one of my rare opportunities to play. Surprisingly, the coach (now a good friend) decided to give me a shot with the ball. 3rd and 7, what the hell, why not? So we ran the play, and I got the handoff, broke through the hole, everything was going fine. Standing right in front of the hole were two linebackers. Right then, I panicked. I realize now that this was a crucial moment in my football years. Instead of breaking outside, trying to go around, making a play, going all out, taking a FUCKING CHANCE, I ran right at 'em. Got 3 goddamn yards. That was the only handoff I ever have or ever will take in a football game.
What I just realized is that this is what I've been doing my whole life. Avoiding the big mistakes, happy with a small gain even if a little chance could result in so much more.

On a note that's pretty fucking cool, I tossed a baseball with Cal Ripken, Jr. yesterday. He even gave me a compliment. One of my heroes. Damn, that felt good.

A Little Confused, Feeling a Little Reckless. Also, OUTER SPACE!!!

What's going on in my life right now!?! For the last year or so, I've been convinced that I want to study engineering. In the last week, I've started questioning it. In my 21st century science class, we spent a day learning about current missions trying to figure if life exists elsewhere in the universe. I realized how badly I want to know more about this and study it. Ever since I first saw Return of the Jedi at the Senator (I think it was 1998, 15th anniversary re-release, maybe)I've loved imagining what else could be out there. I've read countless fan-fiction novels; needless to say it really got me interested in space travel. So now I'm seriously considering trying to get into an astronomy program. Apparently Hopkins' program is really good; the Hubble's images are initially sent to their lab, and they already have the contract for the Hubble's replacement. Fuck, that sounds so exciting. Maybe I could experience some of the first images from the new telescope (I believe it's going to be called the James Webb Telescope). In general, astronomy sounds so cool. We know so little about anything smaller than suns outside our solar system, but with more and more advanced telescopes and hopefully some long-range probes, we can eventually learn some more.

Apparently it now only snows on days when I don't have school anyway. Whatever, school's not so bad anymore anyway. Retreat was one of the most interesting experiences of my life. It wasn't fun or exciting at all (excluding a few select moments). Basically I just learned a whole bunch of stuff about some people that I knew relatively little about. I used to think religion was dead at Gilman. Well, that was way off, to say the least. A few of our discussions turned into gay-bashing homophobic rants by a couple of the kids, and I'm pretty certain one kid tried to convert me. Whatever, they're all pretty cool guys regardless. Some of my views were drastically altered, but some were affirmed by our discussions. A guy that I was pretty sure had never had a problem in his life actually had never had a problem.

Enough with this rambling, I'm out.