First Draft, New Story, "Thunder Out In The Distance" Scene 1

John walked out on the balcony, feeling sick to his stomach, and breathed in a crisp fall breeze. His head cleared, but he was still baffled. He let a few drips of spit slide out of his mouth and down to the concrete three stories below. He looked to his left, then to his right. He coughed and felt the last two days weigh on his shoulders. He turned and began toward the warmth of inside, but Olivia slid the plate glass door to the side and stepped into the wind. John turned back to the rail and stuck a cigarette in his mouth. Olivia stepped across the balcony. There was no greeting; they were too anxious. Olivia put her back to the balcony and leaned slightly into John’s side. He looked away, struck a match, and lit his cigarette.
“You could just buy a lighter.” John half turned toward her, opened his mouth to speak, but said nothing. They stood together, silent, and John finished his cigarette. He flicked it off the edge and watched the tiny orange dot disappear beneath him.
“I like the taste,” John finally answered. For a moment, it appeared that neither of them would speak again. John finally broke the silence with a sigh. “What are we doing here?” he uttered in the way a person who hasn’t rested in days speaks. Olivia looked to the ground and tears welled in her eyes. John leaned farther over the edge and pretended not to notice.
“Can I get one of those?” she asked, trying to choke back the pit in her throat.
“Are you crazy? These things will kill you,” he replied, only half-jokingly. Her only response was a blank, vaguely pissed off stare. John looked away and tried unsuccessfully to contain a smile.
“You’re an asshole,” Olivia stated. John turned back and watched a tear slide down her cheek. The smile fell from his face. He put his arm around her and guided her to a seat on the cold concrete against the wall.
“Yea, I know.” John’s head sunk. He couldn’t bring himself to look at her. “Let’s not do this anymore.”
“Okay,” Olivia answered after a moment’s pause. John got up and walked inside, unable to provide any more comfort. He sat on a sofa, someone brought him a beer, but he couldn’t shake the nagging feeling of loss that was bearing down on his shoulders.

Fishboy: Classic Creeps, In Review

Classic Creeps is one of my favorite albums of the year 2011. After browsing through quite a few year-end lists, I've found it's been left off every single one. I feel obligated to at least make a mention, even if no one ever reads this. Classic Creeps is a short, ten song album that tells a complex story about 10 characters and, despite merely scratching the surface of the story, tells us quite a bit about each one of them. It gives us insight into each one's aspirations, actions, and (most frequently) failures. It's not an uplifting story, to say the least. But the manner in which it is presented is simply outstanding and refreshing. The tone of each song shows the sense of hope that the characters keep despite leading miserable lives of yearning. Each and every one wants so much more out of their lives, some act on it and do regrettable things, others just sit in a sense of complacency, avoiding facing their unrealized dreams. Another believes he has accomplished what he set out to do, but he grows increasingly worried just trying to hold onto what he's earned and begins to lose his grip on what he had. Every character is believable and life-like, even when the plot gets a bit strange. And the music! Good lord, the music! Every sound is expertly maneuvered through each song, using originality and repetition alternately to keep us interested and comfortable all the time. Please, listen to this album. I cannot recommend it enough.

Good God, I've Become a Terrible Writer

I wish I knew what I'm doing. Like, some general sketch for the future. I think I'm in the right major, keeping the right people close to me, and mostly not fucking up. Been trying to stay as punk as possible for the last 6 months or so, spending time/money going to shows and broadening my "don't give a fuck" attitude. Sorry, I don't know how to put that without sounding like a pretentious piece of shit. But I'm really trying to never stress or let people I don't care for mold me into something I don't want to be. Might get harder to do without Double Dagger, one of the few staples in my life over the last couple years. Their last show is tomorrow, and I can't describe how incredible the previous two have been. If the last one comes near either of those (surely it should surpass them?) it will leave a good mark on this chapter of my life. Hopefully my jaw isn't too fucked up from last night (and doesn't get elbowed again tomorrow)...

Peace.

Let's Tie Him Up and Make Him Drink a Lot.... Because He's New

So it's been a while since I last posted: basically since I started dating Kalli. I guess I had too much to do this summer, worked about 35 hours a week (actually enjoyed it a little), and did absolutely nothing other than hang out with Kalli and, on occasion, Tim. It was a good summer, to say the least. Some of the best nights of my life were just hanging out with Kalli. Senior week was nuts, and not necessarily in a good way. Still tentatively planning on doing it next year. At the end of semester now, exam week. I guess I'm doing this to avoid studying, but I'm worried my writing has slipped a little bit too. Too many fucking science classes. Taking Intro to the Novel next semester, and I'm fucking pumped. Might actually feel like school instead of just dicking around like the last 3 months have been. It's good though. Got 2 fun roommates, one who's in engineering with me and I'll probably end up living with at least next year, and another who is alright, gets fucked up a lot and one time let the title of this slip out when a gay kid temporarily moved onto our floor. Not too sure if he hates the gays but he's totally terrified of them. He's moving out next semester and he's worried that his new roommate will be gay. Needless to say we mock him for this incessantly. Oh yea, my baseball team won our league for the first time in almost 20 years. And I did end up graduating high school. No shit.

More News From Nowhere

you know that feeling when life seems to start sliding into place? like the last hundred pieces of a puzzle? all of a sudden things start getting easier and take less effort and everything is just as fun or more fun then it ever was. thats my life right now. i'm not sure why, but everything is good. maybe it's the change in the air: 18 years with my parents and then suddenly i'm off alone. dunno. 18 in 5 days. time to buy cigarettes and porn and join the army. all on good friday. weird. first time i've ever wanted to have school on my b-day.
Fuck, man, life is good, and so are clichés. Peace.

When you Grow Up, Will We Still Be Friends?

The other day I realized that someone I considered a good friend is my complete opposite. I made a joke that I found really amusing at the time, and he took it really seriously. This kid has known me for about 3 years. At this point he should expect it. It's just that his personality somehow prevents him from joking around, arguing for the sake of arguing, making up random statistical evidence, and talking shit pointlessly, which is basically everything I love to do. He takes political correctness to the extreme, thinking that an insensitive joke is unquestionably offensive regardless of the context. I mean, I know sometimes I say stuff I shouldn't say, but that kid takes stuff way too far. At some point you have to remember you're still 17, buddy.

Anyway, the title is a quote from a Capote short story, maybe my favorite quote ever. Every time I read it I think of all the people I've ever met, how I've drifted from my IHM friends and how I won't likely see most of my high school class after graduation, even the ones I like. I think about how my dad isn't in touch with anyone from high school or earlier. I remember my oldest friends, Will and Mike, and wonder why I haven't seen Mike in almost a year, and if this means that we're drifting apart or if it's just temporary.

Fuck, Not the 2005 Ravens Again

I've been reflecting on the last few years a lot recently, preparing for graduation, I guess. Anyway I remembered a moment from JV football that really sums up many of the things I do. It was 3rd and 7, and I got one of my rare opportunities to play. Surprisingly, the coach (now a good friend) decided to give me a shot with the ball. 3rd and 7, what the hell, why not? So we ran the play, and I got the handoff, broke through the hole, everything was going fine. Standing right in front of the hole were two linebackers. Right then, I panicked. I realize now that this was a crucial moment in my football years. Instead of breaking outside, trying to go around, making a play, going all out, taking a FUCKING CHANCE, I ran right at 'em. Got 3 goddamn yards. That was the only handoff I ever have or ever will take in a football game.
What I just realized is that this is what I've been doing my whole life. Avoiding the big mistakes, happy with a small gain even if a little chance could result in so much more.

On a note that's pretty fucking cool, I tossed a baseball with Cal Ripken, Jr. yesterday. He even gave me a compliment. One of my heroes. Damn, that felt good.